Wisdom from Jami - a peaceful Phlegmatic

Published by Angela | Filed under Personalities, Interviews, Relationships

Jami Kirkbride and I met at the airport in St. Louis while waiting for the shuttle to our hotel.  We quickly became friends as we shared our personality training experiences.  Here are her words of wisdom for VFCC students.  

What would you like the Valley Forge students to know about you?  

It wasn’t that long ago (don’t be fooled by the thought that I have four kids…they can come quickly!) that I was where you are. I remember the challenge of making the right choices, ones that would bring the best outcomes later in life. Despite my best efforts and what seemed like good choices, things turned out far from peaceful. I learned a lot about life through the school of hard knocks. I was down about that for a while, but realized that God’s purpose for my life included the dark and the bright days. All I could do was be in charge of my perspective and give Him my best. What I learned through the course of the last few years is that God sees the big picture. If we can trust Him for all those little bumps in our path, we will see His unfailing love and plan for our lives come together.  

What has been your biggest challenge with relationships? 

As a peaceful phlegmatic, I value peace. It is easy for me to get caught up in pleasing people and making sure there aren’t any growing problems or stresses. While this seems like a rather kind gesture on my part (one so good that even the Miss America contestants choose to adopt it!), it is really just a tiresome and never-ending task. I had to learn that I couldn’t put myself in charge of other’s perspectives. I might have to accept that other people wouldn’t like me, approve of my choices, or even value peace like I did in a relationship. I have been challenged over and over to keep my sights on God and where He wants me. The challenges of relationships can serve as a great distraction in my life. I have to choose to spend my energy (which is admittedly scarce at times!) on things that will accomplish His purpose. The realization that I wasn’t in charge of keeping the peace actually frees me to see beyond the challenges of relationships to enjoy the bigger picture of life.   

What advice would you give the students at VFCC about elationships? 

Choose them wisely and enjoy them! I look back on some of the friendships that I made during college and truly value them. I also look back on some and wish I had taken more time to grow them. This is a time in life when you are faced with decisions of all kind, size, and dimension. Don’t get so busy and sidetracked that you forget to invest in relationships. Find those relationships that encourage you as you pursue God’s plan in your life. Invest in relationships that hold you accountable, keep you true to God and yourself, and can be a breath of fresh air and fun.  

 How has knowing the personalities helped improve your relationships?

Whether you are dealing with the friend who stood you up, the professor with ridiculously high standards, the room mate who is your polar opposite, or the date driving you insane…knowing the personalities can help you as you extend grace and understanding. Knowing that my dear hubby passes the menu at the drive through because he has a clear direction and purpose and is not rude and inconsiderate helps me to kindly ask that he reverse the car and let me deliberate about my choices, look at the pictures, and then ask him what I should order. When we see our personality differences for what they are, we aren’t offended and upset. We can laugh, talk, and learn about them. We would both say that knowing The Personalities has hands down, been the most useful information in our marriage!
 
 Thanks, Jami — be true to yourself  — only you can do it best.